There is no cool title

It's been a week. A rough week. Again.

Life with four kids, two of whom are young toddlers either in reality (Cole) or speech (Georgie) is rough. Really rough. Because of Georgie's SPD/SID, going to many of my favorite places, and places the older kids like, can be a crap shoot. If it is too active and too overstimulating, he can have a Complete and Total Nuclear Meltdown, the likes of which have never been seen before. As I try to deal with that, Cole wanders away, the older two fight, or ask to do something or (heaven forbid) whine... and then I lose my cool.

And I REALLY lost my cool Friday.

I tried to go to the rec center for pilates. We got there late and I had a hard time dropping the littles off at child care. Cole DOES NOT like child care and cried even before we got to the door! I was late for pilates. I hate walking into classes late and there was no more room. I opted to go swimming instead and did get a nice shower alone. By the time I got back to childcare, the babies had calmed down.

I went to the big kids room to pick up the older two. It's an awesome area with a rock wall and Wii. Of course, Georgie did not want to leave the room and Cole refused to be put in the stroller. I had to drag G out of there while the baby dangled off my hip. It was not my finest, most attached, most calm parenting moment.

Let's just skip past all the crying, shall we?

We went to Panera for lunch. Georgie was still not in a great mood but Cole was in a fantastic mood- able to defeat the buckles on the high chair strap and stand up! Yay! The potential for head injuries is so.much.fun!

No, no it isn't.

We finally were on our way to Stride Rite when we got side tracked by a Cars2 display. Some families are into Star Wars, we're into Cars. We popped in (and all the kids were awesome, including Georgie) and bought some cool cookie cutters. Then we went into Pottery Barn Kids to use the restroom and I oogled the new "Very Hungry Catepillar" line. When that stuff goes on sale, it is MINE. Makes me want to have another baby just to do the nursery in it!

SR was not a complete disaster, although it was harder than normal. I had a real pity party of one after I dropped Joseph at a friend's house. Why does it have to be so danged hard? The older kids need new shoes for school and there was a sale. I love to go shopping and normally don't mind taking the kids. But with the potential for meltdowns and the kids just feeding off of each other... no bueno dude. Yes, I could go in the evenings with the older two but that eats into our evening time and routine. I could go on the weekends with Adam but a) it's worse for meltdowns then and b) I really hate shopping with my husband.

It's just not fair that I have to plan things my older kids want to do or like to do around a toddler with meltdowns. It just isn't. Joseph is beginning to see that Georgie is not "typical" like other two year olds. We've kept to the house more int he past year (my fault) and I feel incompetent when we go out in public. People see the kids and assume I can't handle them. I know in my heart that this is not true but it feels like it. I know that most people would have trouble with two small children close in age, one with special needs.

I know the reality is that there are places (like the art musem) we can go without problems or meltdowns. I know the kids love and accept their brother. I pray they will never resent the accomidations we have to make for him- even to (I feel) the expense of things they want to do. I just wish it was all a little easier at times.