She Is My Own

Every morning, as Andy left home for work, I knew he felt relieved. Relieved that he could spend some time away from me. Sadness, worry, and anger had overtaken my being. I had little patience, the smiles were few, and I cried constantly. I did not like who I had become.  I did not even know if I loved my baby. And I blamed it all on Down syndrome.

I needed to talk to my husband. I wanted to make things right, yet, I did not know how. What I did know, was that talking to him always made things better. One night, as we lay in bed, we began talking.

“The Bible says that God does not give us more than we can handle, right?” I asked him. 

He looked at me, silent for a while.

“That verse from the Bible is often taken out of context.” He said. “That verse refers to temptation. God will not give us more temptation than we can handle.”

“Well what about this. What about us?” I asked, “Does God give us more than we can handle when it comes to…life?”

My husband, knowing what was in my heart, gently said, “Yes honey, I think so. I think often in life we are given more than we can handle. If we could handle it, we would not need God. But when we are given more than we can handle, it is then, and only then, that we realize how much we need Him. We need Him to take over, to lead us, and take control of our lives.”

“I think this is more than I can handle,” I said with tears in my eyes.

“I know,” he said as he reached his hand to hold mine.

“And I need Him to step in, or I am going to lose it.” I continued.

We were silent for a moment, then Andy spoke once more.

“I want to share something with you. Something that God spoke to me about Nichole. I was reading some hymns the other day, this one “I Come To The Garden Alone,” says…

And He walks with me, and He talks with me,
And He tells me I am His own;
And the joy we share as we tarry there,
None other has ever known.”

“This is what the Lord said to me…” Andy swallowed, controlling his emotions for a moment, “God said to me, “Nichole is my own, and I am sharing her with you.  Will you love her? The joy that you will share, because of her, none other has ever known.”

We looked at each other for a while.

“Nichole is not ours honey” Andy continued, “She is God’s precious child and He has entrusted her to us. I will love her, and I am confident we will experience great joy because of her.”

“Maybe we need her.” I said.

“Yes, maybe we need her. And maybe she needs us too. Maybe we need each other.”

As we went to bed, I continued to think about Andy’s words. I imagined God, holding Nichole lovingly in His arms, smiling down at her. Looking at Andy and I, extending His arms to hand her to us and saying, “This is my precious child, Nichole. I love her. She is precious to me. And I have chosen you, of all people. Will you love her? Will you love her like I do?

I was broken, broken in so many places. Yet the Lord still loved me. It did not matter that I was broken, it did not matter that I did not know how to love. His love was unconditional. It was His love that mattered. I depended on His love, because I needed it, I needed Him.
This is more than I can handle Lord. I need you to step in. 

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