How does life move on after death?
July 14, 2012........the day after we laid out little princess to rest. I was numb. I felt like I had no tears left to cry, I was empty. I couldn't smile, I couldn't laugh, I was simply just there. Her little obituary came out in the paper and online today. She was the very youngest, but I can't help but think that in her 22 short weeks that she accomplished more and touched more lives than some living to be 100. Hunter would go back to his mom's today which made today that much harder. I tried so hard to talk and watch the boys play their video games that they were so excited about. "Hey check this out!", "Look at my new high score!", and "Did you see that awesome move!!" is what they kept saying. I tried so hard, but my heart was hurting oh so bad. I wanted to take flowers to the church so they would be there for services the next day. I remember driving to Hernando later that night to drop off the flowers and Forrest asking me if I wanted to go to church. I paused, not to think about it, but to try and collect myself to answer him. I remember looking at him and saying "Forrest I know I will cry and it will be very hard, but I feel like she wants me to be there. I don't know why, but something is telling me that we should go." He left it completely up to me. It would have been so easy to lay in the bed all day and cry, but I just knew she was telling me something and I was going to listen. Sunday, July 15, 2012 I got up extra early to try and get myself ready. I have a lot of sleepless nights just laying there thinking about her, so getting up is not something that is hard for me to do. I think Forrest was still waiting on me to change my mind, but something was tugging on my heart. I got Joncarlo up and started getting him ready as Forrest got up. We all ate breakfast, got in the truck, and headed to church. I cried off and on the whole way there. Forrest usually drops me and the boys off at the front door so we can walk in as he parks the car, but I asked if we could all walk in together. My husband is the only person that knows 100% beyond and shadow of a doubt what I am going through and he is the one person I want with me by my side at all times. We walk in, take Joncarlo upstairs to his room, and go back down to find a seat. It is not unusual for us to be about 10 minutes late. We often miss the "greeting" part in the beginning of service, and today I was fine with that. We stand as everyone is singing, and I look over to the right of us and there it was.........the Special Needs group was attending the 9:30 service this morning. I couldn't take my eyes off of them as I started to tear up. There is no doubt in my mind that Mary Martin was sitting with all of her friends in service that morning. She knows how hard this is for me and just when I feel like I can't pick myself up she is there with God smiling at me letting me know I can. I have always tried to teach my children that you can do anything, all you have to do is try. I never thought I would have one of my children teaching me that same exact thing. After church we took one of the roses in the flower arrangement to her sweet grave. Every single time I am in Hernando I will go and visit my daughter and take her flowers. I know she doesn't need me to go visit her for her to know that I am thinking about her and that I love her. Monday, July 16, 2012 Joncarlo and I had to get out of the house to run a few errands. I tried to get them done as quickly as possible and tried to make sure we didn't have to be around a lot of people. Forrest had to go back to work today, so I was by myself. We had to make a trip to Hernando to pick up a few things and of corse we stopped and got flowers and went to see Mary Martin. We got an arrangement that had a variety of flowers. Joncarlo lined her little lot with the flowers, and made sure each one was in the perfect spot. We talked to her for a moment and then got back in the truck to leave. As we were pulling out a small, very bright, yellow butterfly started circling my truck. All I could do was cry, because our little Mary Martin is just simply amazing. There is no other way to put it, she knows when I hurt and when I need her the most and she is always there. God knew exactly what he was doing and I thank him every single day. It is very hard, and yes I cry every single day, but I know he is using me, Forrest, and Mary Martin to do glorious and wonderful things. I have gotten every single phone call, text message, email, and Facebook post. Please know that we appreciate all of the beautiful words of encouragement, and prayers. It is just very hard for me to respond and talk right now. The one thing that has touched me and warmed my heart more than anything is knowing our story is traveling. As of today July 19, 2012 we have had 6,279 people view our blog, and I pray that number keeps growing. That in itself is the most amazing news, but knowing that our story has traveled internationally to South Korea, the United Kingdom, Russia, Costa Rica, Germany, Canada, Iran, Poland, and Sweden is simply and purely the work of God through our Mary Martin. God will help heal the pain and Mary Martin will always be there in my heart forever. Please continue to pray for us as our journey continues, and PLEASE continue to share or story!! Anyone wanting to make a contributing to the "Mary Martin Fund" it can be made at any First Tennessee bank, or to the Down Syndrome Association of the Midsouth.
Her little obituary in the Desoto Times.
She will forever be our little Mississippi Girl/Down Syndrome Princess!!!
We Love You Mary Martin!!!